TANKED

[another flash fiction piece from Dark Ebb: Grim Tales Volume 1, link below]

Gullible, a dreamer, incurable romantic—these personality characterizations have haunted me for years, but I don’t care. I don’t see anything wrong with who I am. I’m like Popeye, except for the eating spinach part: I am what I am.

And I have the best job ever. As night shift security guard at the New England Aquarium, I get to see what most people never will. They’re different at night, my aquatic friends. When all the people leave and lights in the giant ocean tank dim to moonlight, they relax.

It’s not like they can close their eyes and totally sleep, but I sense a fading of fear when they see me. They know I’m not going to bang on the barrier between us or startle them with shrieks and flashes of light. After just one year here, they trust me.

Miranda does too.

At first I thought I was dreaming. I mean, come on. What guy hasn’t dreamt of getting it on with a wicked pretty mermaid? She’s real, though. Night after night she returns, pressing herself against the glass between us and making me crazy.

I pinched myself hard the first time she emerged, and then screamed like a little girl when the blacknose shark appeared behind her. She laughed and showed me I had nothing to fear, latching onto the creepy creature and circling the tank with it.

Since then, we’ve talked about everything. I can’t believe I’m the only one she’ll materialize for. She made me promise never to tell anyone she’s here, and why would I? She’s a little bossy, though.

“Kiss me! Release me!” That’s how she’s been talking to me—in commands. She knows I like strong women. And I can tell she wants to be mine forever. Why else would she want me to kiss her?

But I can’t let her out so easily. At least I don’t think I can. How would I explain her? I guess I could say we met at work. There’d be history questions. We’d have to make stuff up. Mom might get suspicious, but all my friends would be wicked jealous. They’d never believe I could land a catch like Miranda.

And they’ll want to take her away from me. So, yeah. I can’t let her out without a plan.

Just last week I explained what would need to happen before our first kiss, the one that would release her from her wet world. I was getting anxious, and I’ll admit it; she was starting to dominate my dreams.

“You’ll need to wear clothes,” I said, and then I started thinking about how I’d dress her. Tight, shimmery things, like Beyoncé wears on stage. Yeah.

“And you’ll need to promise to be true to me and only me forever.”

She promised.

“And you’ll need to get a job ‘cuz it’s really expensive to live in Boston and my pay won’t be enough for the two of us. Hey! Maybe you could get a job as a trainer here at the Aquarium!”

She thought that idea was wicked good.

“And when we have kids, they’ll need to stay in school!” I laughed, but she didn’t get the joke. There’s a lot I’ll need to teach her so she won’t be awkward in my world. Mom always said I’d be a good teacher ‘cuz of how I relate to little kids, so that won’t be a big problem.

And now it’s finally time to get her out of this tank and into my bed for real. I brought a bottle of champagne for our special moment—seemed like the thing to do—but now I wonder how it’ll affect her. I don’t want her staggering the first time she walks on land, so maybe I’ll just let her have a tiny sip. It’s expensive, so I’ll drink the rest. Besides, I gotta tell you, I’m wicked nervous and excited all at the same time.

I’ll drink some now before she shows up. I hope she likes her new clothes. I got them at the Goodwill, but she won’t know that, and besides, the sparkly pants still have a store tag. Mom taught me how to find bargains all over town. I’m sure she’ll teach Miranda too.

Boy, this champagne goes down easy. Wonder what’s keeping her. I kinda feel like chuckling, but I want to be serious for our first kiss. It’s important to make a good first impression. Mom always says that.

Oh! Here she is now!

I wave her over to me at the edge of the tank and she smiles one of her mysterious smiles.

“Are you excited?” I ask, and she nods, but doesn’t come over to me. Instead, she waves me over to where she floats near the center of the tank. Can’t believe I never thought of swimming with her.

I kick off my shoes, grab what’s left in the bottle, and swim to her. Glad I’m a good swimmer.

I hand her the bottle, but she takes my face in her hands instead and kisses me in a way I’ve never been kissed before. I feel lightheaded, probably ‘cuz of too much champagne. I drop the bottle and cling to her as she circles the tank one last dizzying lap.

* * *

“All right, men, let’s get him outta there before the doors open. And grab that bottle too. Drinking on the job. Didn’t seem like that kind of guy. Hey! Miss! You’re not supposed to be in here yet!”

I watch Miranda smile over her shoulder and sashay away from a bunch of cops on the top level of the aquarium and I’m so glad she’s mine. They stare at her and I’m ready to chew them out for their crude comments as they elbow one another and leer, but their boss shouts first, snapping them back to their task. They have to remove some dumb schmuck’s body from the fish tank.

Hey, wait a minute . . .

[This piece from my book Dark Ebb: Grim Tales Volume 1]